I have a guy friend who is so high maintenance. It seems I am offending him and apologizing constantly. Stuff bothers him that I know other guys wouldn't even pay attention to.

I wonder whether the friendship is worth it. I feel like I am apologizing all the time. I have female friends who are not as sensitive as he is. It's is exhausting - always explaining and apologizing.

thoughts?

Have some self-respect and ditch the loser.

Well he isn't my bf. He's just a friend but even so, I am considering doing that. There is way too much drama. It's weird cause he is 9 years older than me but acts like such a baby. I discussed it with another friend and they said it sounds like he's got a lot of personal issues to work out that affect the way he deals with other people.

I don't like just writing off friends but maybe I should just put his friendship on a back burner and not have as much contact with him in the future.

Why don't you talk to him about it and then decide whether or not you still want to be his friend.

Sound advice.

You seem like a very nice person for putting up with his needyness. Adults seldom change. When change occurs it is frequently for the worse. You may still want to remain a friend, but in some cases the game is not worth the candle. Men like him suck the oxygen from the room. How much time and energy can you devote to your relationship? What does he contribute? do you enjoy playing mommy? There are lots of great men out there who would be happy having a loyal friend like you.

well another one of his friends told him he was getting tired of being his 'whipping boy' in that he is always taking out his anger on him and that's how I feel too. however, I don't think he is capable of seeing it from my perspective or from the perspective of his other friend. I think he considers himself blameless - doesn't see the negative things he does.

oh well, I sent an apology via email yesterday so we'll see how long he stays mad at me this time. lol. It's funny because he never apologizes. Must be nice to always be right. I don't even think he's right I just apologize in order to get past these issues.

how do you offend him I mean he must have low self esteem to worry about small things friends are supposed to be fun to hangout with and talk things over because you value their opinion but if you have to worry about offending him when he asks you a question then you have to explain yourself and apologize seems like stress you could do with out IMO

well last week I did some work for him - sent it to him by email and he sent me a very abrupt email in response basically saying the work I did was of no use because he couldn't use any of the research I did. So that was fine. I was supposed to call him at 9 that night so I did some more research and found some cases he could use at court. I was very excited and pleased with the work I'd done. So, as agreed, I called him at 9. When I called he basically yelled into the phone that he had no time to talk to me, he was in a conference call etc. So I said: "you're welcome!" and I hung up. Then I sent him an email which basically said he didn't have to act like such a jerk. I didn't think much of it. I sent him a couple of other emails in the past week joking around poking fun at him then called him night before last and he said I am abusive in my emails and I'm immature etc. He was SO angry I couldn't believe it. I think he's overreacting. I thought the email I sent was pretty lame considering how rude he'd been on the phone and how nasty a person could be in response to that behaviour.

So anyway, he's mad so I sent a very apologetic email begging his highness's forgiveness. But, I don't see him owning up to how rude he was initially at all. To him, his behaviour is exemplary. He just doesn't get that people don't like being yelled at and hung up on. So that's it. dealing with him is exhausting and overall I don't think all the ongoing fuss is worth it considering the relatively small amount of enjoyment I get from the friendship in general.

I don't want to not have his friendship but just cannot deal with all the hassle.

Why?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hi9TVDcctkY

well why did you go out and send the e-mails thats was childish on your part.. but if you helped him with research he should of made time to atleast talk to you or told you that he was in a call and would call you back later

I want to keep him as a friend because I don't like burning bridges. Friendships should last forever I think and shouldn't be thrown away over minor disagreements.

I sent the email saying he acted like a jerk. Is that childish? I don't think it is but I could be wrong. The other two emails I sent him were just basic ones like the communication I usually have with him where I tease him and joke around. I didn't think any of it was a big deal at all. He had acted like a jerk and I called him on it.

But, if he wants to be angry forever I guess there isn't much I can do. Perhaps he doesn't value my friendship.

well he should atleast say he is sorry for the way he acted when you phoned him and he got mad and hung up

I agree. I know it won't happen but in the future I will bring it up and get him to own up to whatever extent is realistic.

just let it go if you bring it up chances are it will start an other argument

My friends are all nice guys, if they were jerks to me they won't be my friends or heard from me again

wait a sec, why did i put up with all craps with my ex since i don't even have a friend remotely mean as him. sign..

Hmmmmmmm, now the only time I know when people take so much abuse from a friendship, is when that person has a lot to offer, or something they can gain from that person. If this person has nothing to offer, and by know means can better your life style than, you must ask your self why you are choosing to take so much abuse from a person that can not offer you anything. But than again is that why you keep taking this abuse is because this person can offer you something more other than just friendship? "He got Money"

Unless he is EXTREMELY good looking, he's not worth the effort.

Oh, and he is likely gay.

He's like that with all of his friends and we take it because otherwise he does have a lot to offer. When he is being nice it is/ he is wonderful, funny and generally amazing. He's a lawyer. He has money. But that doesn't matter to me. He doesn't spend any money on me. When he's p.o.'d it feels like all is not well with my world. It's hard to explain. I guess his approval and acceptance are that important to me. At least it has been the case for the most part. However, it is beginning to wear a bit thin. Lately, I'm feeling like the good times aren't worth the bad times and all the blaming and crap. We'll see.

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I know he relies on pot to a great extent. Is there a possibility that this could be contributing to his mood swings? I'm not a pot smoker myself but I've heard that it's strong nowadays and potsmokers sometimes have personality issues as a result

I’m not a pot smoker, I’m a wine drinker so I could not tell you if that could alter his behavior, and your friend could just be conceded because he has been able to get away with it. He puts out sh*t and you guys take it just lovely; you do not put any restrictions on your friendship. You do not demand respect so he feels like he does not have to give it.

Well, I thought emailing him and saying he acted like a jerk would have been an indication to him that he acted like a jerk and that the ball was in his court but he took it as an undeserved attack. Then when I talked to him on the phone I brought up that he had acted like a jerk by yelling at me on the phone for nothing and I could tell that he had not even considered that that was why I told him he'd acted like a jerk but then he still didn't apologize. He just left it at that as if he would lose face if he apologized. At this point, he should own up if you ask me and I think it was Cartman that said as much here too.

The whole issue between us is so minor that I feel silly going on about it but my point is that his mood swings may be a result of the substances he uses (pot and alcohol - though pot to a greater extent). That is what my main concern is because all of his friends and acquaintances comment that he seems to have rather extreme mood swings - not to the point of mental illness perhaps but to the point that it interferes with his friendships.

he sounds much like my ex jerk Attention: REGISTER / LOGIN to view the image! i wonder why you don't want to burn the bridge? this type of bridges are useless for me, i don't want negative jerks to bring me down, why you act like you owe him something? are you afraid of losing him for some reason? IF YOU ARE JUST FRIENDS I DON'T SEE THE POINT.

well, believe me I am tempted to write him off and burn the bridge. but I've done this before with other friends and I have regretted it. Friends to me are friends for a dozen reasons at least and so it is a waste to dump them for one reason as no one is perfect. There are days when I will feel like doing something and think, I wish I could call up so and so and ask her to go with me but she isn't my friend anymore so I can't. I've done this with 3 friends and regret having burnt the bridges and I don't want to do it again. The reason I did dump these friends in the past was on the advice of one of my friends - we were having a discussion one time and she told me never to put up with crap but to write off friends who don't behave as that is what she always does and has no regrets. So I did do that for a couple of years and dumped a few friends who annoyed me for some reason - then I found that this doesn't work for me.

Also, this particular friend is someone I know I would really miss if I didn't have his friendship - obviously as I am thinking about it to this extent right now. All his friends seek out his company more than he seeks out theirs and I've often heard him complain that he just doesn't have the time to deal with so many friendship obligations on top of all the work he has etc, but we just don't leave him alone. I know we do it. When I'm with him he is fielding calls from at least two or three other people wanting to do stuff with him too. I don't know why it's like that considering he is so miserable sometimes. I guess it's because when he's good he is awesome to be around - very funny and self-effacing and kind. It's like Jekyll and Hyde.

most people can be more pleasant to be around when they are happy, it is when they are angry shows what they really are, if they are jerk, they are extra mean. you don't want any mean friends in your life, do you? i know what you mean by all above things you said i had to make the same decision, though most of the time you just don't have the time and energy to maintein them, if they are someone you can complete trust and share your secrete with, that's another matter. if its just someone you have to hang out and have fun with, i am not really that type that would put effort just to keep people around for fun, most of the time it's not worth it.

after i wrote that i realized i sounded like your jerk friend now lol.. i don't have time it's not that i can decide, but i am not miserable or ever had hurt any people's feelings like your friend did to you. he is an asshole ditch him.