I`m 42 and straight, and I also never had a girlfriend or even dated in my entire life. I guess alot of it is because of my shyness....I never asked a woman out before. Not bad looking I guess, 5`6 155 lbs or so. But like a few here, the idea of personal rejection scares the shit out of me!

I mentioned this the other day to a friend, he was horrified, told me seek professional help! I realize I do need help and cannot keep going this path. But is my situation this extreme that I need to see a shrink??

Maybe your friend meant for you to seek a personal dating coach, ya know like that show with mike eckford on channel 41. http://www.wnetwork.com/tv_shows/shows/manhattan_matchmaker/index.asp

instead of seeing a shrink, try seeing a hooker. they both cost about the same, and they both will screw you, just in different ways.

Yea Kingy, but they might have STD`s also. Thats the problem. On the other hand, cant keep going down the road Im goin.

The problem is that women never ask guys out. Its all on my shoulders and I dont have the balls.

donot get discourge, i am 41 and never had a boy friend, because of my shyness, never been ask  to go out.

wow..you really need to open up

I guess its a self esteem issue. Im ok looking, but Im just never gained enough confidence to actually ask her out. And hell women never approach men(unless you are $$ or look like brad pitt), which is a pile of shit.

So yea...Im a 42 year old guy -- never dated -- and ofcourse a virgin! I wanna change that

I think there is alot more of us out there than you might think

With the internet we have been given a voice and can come out of the closet

Yup you got some serious issues you need to work out with a professional.
Don`t delay it, time is going by!

Oscar........drop Ana an email......................see what developes................Attention: REGISTER / LOGIN to view the image!

Now is the time to admit to yourself that whatever you have been doing (or not doing) is simply not working. If you are scared to go up to a girl... well that's pretty much it. You're going to have to make the first move. Also you are really lacking in social experience (conversation, touching, intimacy). Think of all of the teens that have more experience than you.

Very simply you have to kick yourself in the ass and change a few things. Change your wardrobe and look at meeting a companion as a serious effort. Put yourself in more social situations as well... clubs, volunteer, church.... You have a lot of catching up to do. Also, you're going to have to learn to take a few no's before you get to a yes. Take small steps. Just make your goal for the first week to say hi to as many women as posssible. Get comfortable. then move to the next step. Initiate conversation. ---> go on a date ---> go on a second date At the same time, do this with a few women at once. so you get plenty of practice. Eventually if you ask enough women, one will fall in love with what you have to offer. 

Listen, at 42 I am going to be the one to tell you that there is no hope for you...seriously, if you haven't managed to even ask out a female by now it's just never gonna happen. But that's not the worst thing in the world, dating women is complicated, you have spend a lot of money, listen to them talk about their "feelings", pretend to care...all that crap. Now on the other hand a prostitute will come when you call, leave when it's over, never bitch at you for coming home drunk, and will let you pretty much do anything you want to her...for a price of course. So just save your money and treat yourself a couple of times a month, wear a rubber and you'll be a happy, happy man.

Good luck Attention: REGISTER / LOGIN to view the image!

I have the perfect solution for you my friend http://www.russianladies.com/
You've missed the whole dating scene, don't bother goin thru it it,s a waste anyhow.
just order one of these fine muscular russian ladies.

Bonne chance!

Why not Ana and Oscar go out???

you need self confidence! Go out and met women, even as friends. Sometimes your friends with them and things just merge. Your going to be single all your life if ur too scared to ask. who cares if u get rejected the first time etc..it's just a learning process.

Good luck to you.

There are lots of really shy girls that never get asked out. Maybe dated once or twice but always get passed over. I hope you can find one. 

Oscar,

You should listen to the advice offered by "Well.." (and ignore the barbs from some of  the other folks).

First off, you aren't alone. There are a huge number of men just like you--I work with a guy in a similar situation. Most are guys who suffered from severe social anxiety when they were younger and because they never learned how to take the risks necessary to establish a relationship, just gave up and stopped trying. And of course, the longer this situation goes on, the lower their self-esteem becomes and the less likely they are to try to change things.

You should seriously consider consulting a psychologist; helping people overcome social anxiety is what they do. A therapist won't be judgemental and can definitely help.

Also, you might see if you can find a book called The Shy-Man Syndrome, which discusses this phenomenon. A huge number of men suffer from it, although it's a problem you almost never see discussed.

Also, you might see if you can find a book called The Shy-Man Syndrome, which discusses this phenomenon. A huge number of men suffer from it, although it's a problem you almost never see discussed.

You need serious help but as the previous poster mentioned there is huge number of men with the same problem. They suffer in silence.

My advice is go on the Dr Phil Show. You`ll be suprised there is a sympathetic public out there. You`ll get the help you need, and you will be helping others just like you. This is a problem that needs to brought out in the open 

I'm forty and I've only had one girlfriend.  But you know what?  I've never let it stop me from enjoying life.  Sure it's a drag but it's nothing to get depressed over.

Concentrate on making money and havin' good times instead and if you hook up.....that's freakin' great!

start hitting on a bunch of dumpy girls to practice. build your confidence.

Blame it on modern women..they need to burn in hell!

Oscar try www.doubleyourdating.com

I've had the opposite problem of Oscar's... I've had lots of Women hit on me... Problem is, all of them have all been either:

1. Fat
2. Ugly
3. Fat and Ugly
4. Has a bunch of kids (one Woman had 8 kids!!! 8 kids!!!)
5. Extremely promiscuous
6. Mentally disturbed in ways that are quite obvious
7. A combination of 1-6.

When I've hit on a Woman I liked, they never liked me back or had a boyfriend. When they've hit on me, they've been one of the types described above. It was a nightmare, until the day I decided to retire from this nonsense. I quit. I no longer ask Women out, and I don't even consider the thought... and you know what? I'm a lot more relaxed now because I have no pressure.

Here is the truth:

*There isn't someone for everyone. Its a lie. It's not mathematically possible for there to be someone for everyone, just based on the fact that there are more Women than Men. There is a great possibility there isn't someone out there for you.

*Most people in relationships are not happy. It may seem that way when you see them kissing in the park or holding hands. However, many couples are very much less than in-synch when they are in private.

*No one can complete you. If you need someone to complete you, then that means you were incomplete, and if you were incomplete then there was something wrong with you that no one person can fix. You need to be a whole person apart from someone else.

Oscar, I could give you all the cliches... I could tell you to "stay strong", "hang in there", and "keep on trying", but the bottom line is, its all B.S.

If you're meant to come into contact with a Woman who is right for you, it will happen, but if not then it wasn't meant to be... and you know what? It's not the end of the World.

Ok, I hear ya.

Fear of rejection.  So it is a fear.  You are afraid of being rejected by a female, is it any kind of rejection?

What is rejection?  A choice that is made of the other person, based on their ideas, emotions that are based on previous experiences that are irrelevant to you.  YOu are not part of that history.  Therefore it is not personal.

A rejection is a not what you are, but what the other person is inside their head to a degree.   The exception could be if you have not had a bath for a week or brushed your teeth, yes there is a good chance for rejection.  But if we rule out those self explanatory reasons, then the rejection is  a reflection of the other person more than it is of you.

Have you ever rejected anybody? Ever?  Most people have.  As in rejecting a sales person, you dont want to buy.  We reject all the time,  could be things or people or animals.  It does not mean we hate that person, all it means that for some reason you are not interested. 

Some people are too quick to reject, a good chance it is their loss.
And some hardly ever reject, they can learn more from others and understand them better.

Just take a deep breath and just call it for what it is, a rejection.
Nothing more.  It is not about who  you are but what the other person is and they are not better  because they rejected you. 

Also, when you start dating, dont have too high expectations.  That can set you up for disappointment.  Keep it simple and just be yourself and relax.  If it works out, fine, if not, you still have your house, car, bank account, health, job, family, yourself and the future.

you're so right billll. Why do we fear rejection what is it about rejection that we are afraid of. Why should we be afraid of what someone else thinks. Every thing people think and do is based on past experiences. So why should you take it personal when somone rejects you. Maybe you're not their type who cares. There is someone for everyone anyway. Life isn't always about getting what you want. It's full of rejection pain and hurt. But if you don't try you will never know. Who cares if you get rejected.

sg your post brought smile to my face
you truly are beautiful

thanks female. I just think things are what you think of them. It's amaizing how you can look at things so many different ways. You really don't know what is going through someones head when you are rejected it might not even be you. And everyone has been through it. Just ask your self is the glass half empty or is it half full.

so we see a possible connection between oscar and ana.  oh and perhaps between some guy and female.  keep it up dudes Attention: REGISTER / LOGIN to view the image!Attention: REGISTER / LOGIN to view the image!

very hard to get a disease from recieving a BJ esprcially with a rubber on.

I'm of the 'don't even bother anymore' camp, I have women interested in me all the time, but inside I always think and remind myself of the stress and the problems that arise in potential relationships and in relationships, it is always an emotional trip that complicates your life...... I agree with the other poster, I have 'retired' from it all

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try men. maybe u arent shy with men?