byline: sageb1

Metro Vancouver - So anyway, at this exclusive stripbar in MetroVan the other day, a stripper was almost assaulted by a drunk and possibly drug addled patron recently.

However, the woman had trained in tae kwan do as a young girl, but bowed out of competition due to her physical maturation.

"I didn't like getting kicked in the chest anymore, despite the protective padding", she stated.

When the pervert jumped on stage to hug her, the stripper was able to flip the guy and tackle him, holding him in an arm lock until the bouncer, 300 lb ex-wrestler Buba, managed to get there.

"I kinda reacted," said the 5-2, 123 lb woman, who is 33DD-24-36. "All that early training just came back. Besides, he was so drunk that it was easy to hold him down."

The reason for the man's severe intoxication was revealed later when the cops discovered a hash pipe on him and 5 grams of Moroccan hashish valued at $125 on the street.

The perv was charged with attempted assault and possible sexual touching. "He grabbed my breasts and tried to perform a non-coital sexual act on me", stated the stripper, whose name has been withheld due to the pending trial.

As well the perv was charged with carrying drug paraphernalia and hashish, both of which are a summary $70 fine.

In addition, Bubba said that the perv will be banned from all stripclubs in MetroVan and his picture will be posted in all stripper's dressing rooms around the province.

"We don't take kindly to patrons touching our girls. The pubs and bars could lose their liquor licenses. Plus it costs so much to train a new girl."

This has been a long tall tale that could have happened, only in BC.

in additional news, the stripper in today's takedown incident stated firmly that she did not come onto the patron who attempted to assault her on stage.

"I did not beckon him to come onto the stage. He just leaped on it like Tom Cruise jumping on Oprah's couch!" the diminutive stripper, Lil Chastity, exclaimed during an exclusive press interview inside the trade.

When pressed about what the perv did, Chastity said quietly, "I think the slang for the act is 'diddle'. Can I say that on the air?"

A quick look at the Canadian Criminal Code indicates that technically diddling falls under minor sexual assault.

When asked about CCC and diddling, Constable Eunice Goodly stated with a straight face, "The act described is not a major sexual assault since coitus did not occur. Had that happened, after we book the perpetrator, he gets to become Bubba's girlfriend."

The Bubba mentioned by the officer is not related to bouncer Bubba, whose legal first name is Earl, but wouldn't release his last name. "You aint a cop, so my full name is none of your (expletive) business!"

perv is a sexist word only used for males.

I'd pay to see that

im to much of a lazy sod to read all that can some one giv me the cliff notes

huge breasted tiny stripper 'takes down' a drunk as a skunk patron who jumped on stage & tried to finger her

ooooooohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh ..... cool

the above thread is a satire about DV.

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