GWAR: Still Sick of You

On "Lust In Space", Oderus and co. (Beefcake the Mighty, Balzac The Jaws Of Death, Flattus Maximus, Jizmak Da Gusha, and the elusive manager, Sleazy P. Martini), have vowed to finally escape this accursed planet: a feat they've attempted many times since crashing here centuries ago.  They tried and failed to ride the "World Maggot" into space, and too consistently blow their budget on crack and gay porn to actually do anything with their wretched lives.  This time, it looks, and sounds like they're for real.

Refining their comedy punk/metal antics from catchy sing-along to crushing double-bass driven metal fury, GWAR have seemingly decided to stop singing about smashing your balls and skull, and actually doing it with their music.  From the opening strains of "Lust In Space", in which Oderus awakes to lament:

Again, what grim vision this?
Bloodstained tomb, beer-cans, and piss...
This is no life...
For a god

....And although I created you
I always have hated you
F*ck this place!
Oh how I long for lust in space

...to the punishing  "Parting Shot", in which GWAR unleashes a scathing critique of "humanity", as they finally depart to space, it's apparent that everybody's favorite filthmongers like to PRETEND they hate us and our filthy wretched ways, but secretly harbor a deep affection for Earth.  Or at least its crack.  They love crack.  And that's what keeps them coming back.  This album combines a renewed dark sense of humor and the band`s ever-evolving heaviness and songwriting that only gets better with every release since the resurgent "War Party" album.  GWAR has hit a few dry patches along the way, and released some truly shitty, boring, and ultimately unfunny albums, but  Lust In Space is a FINE return to form.  Judging by the sold-out audience at the Commodore on Monday, the fans approve.  Or maybe they just wanted to be hosed down by Oderus juice.

To celebrate their last night on Earth, GWAR retrofitted the Commodore into a giant spaceship, and decked out the dance floor with duct-taped carpet, and wall-to-ceiling sheets of poly to protect the house system from any incidental high PSI space-jizz/blood that might erupt from the stage.  With an inspirational "Behind The Murder" video recap (on three giant video screens) of the band's first 25 years, the show kicked off with highlights of GWAR's ongoing love/hate relationship with Earth and all it has to offer, with some truly candid moments with Sleazy P. Martini recounting how he discovered GWAR in Antarctica, and the heartwarming "Sperm and Slide" commercial that brought families together back in tha day.

After this tear-jerking 10-minute presentation that reminded us all just what a major part GWAR has played in our cultural devolution, the scumdogs took to the stage, and scurved into the anthemic "Metal Metal Land" (from the new album), about a wondrous heavy metal planet where, among other things:

Here in Metal Metal Land everything is loud
All the chicks are strippers
All their fathers proud..
Here in Metal Metal Land everything is rock
Everyone is in a band, every girl sucks every...

...you get the idea.

As far as lyrics go, GWAR pretty much pushed the limits of taste and shock value right off the bat in the early years, so subsequent lyrics and theatrics since then really aren't that shocking anymore.  If Oderus wants to "eat the brains" out of a dead rubber baby, while his massive rubber dong flaps around, spraying the front row with food-coloring jizzblood, well...that's just Oderus being Oderus.  Perhaps the most shocking thing GWAR has done in their 25-year recording history is desensitize its audience to the point where brutally offensive turned funny, then became predictable and expected.  The last time I saw GWAR, they ripped Lacey Peterson's fetus from her belly, then raped it and ate its brains.  I have to admit, I`ve seen them do some pretty sick shit, but I think that took the cake.  This time around, they kept the celebrity appearances to Michael Jackson raping some weird space baby, and a brief appearance by Barack Obama, who came onstage to award GWAR some hideously named prize I can't remember (Ass-Raping Medal of Honor or something...). 

Accompanied by some hilarious multimedia on the video screens as the band took us on a tour through space, destroying the USS Enterprise, Luke Skywalker's ship, and pretty much every other spaceship known to man, as well as a ridiculously over-the-top amount of gratuitous "blood" and "jizz", GWAR pulled out several classics, including "Saddam A Go-Go", "Maggots", the ultra-evil "Have You Seen Me?" (in which Oderus stops for a mid-encore snack to eat a baby's brains), and several new tracks from the new album, including "Where Is Zog?" and "Lords and Masters".  Perhaps the most absurd moment of the night was the opening strains of "Lust In Space", which inspired many in the audience to pull out their lighters and hold them high.  The highlight battle of the night was the ultimate showdown with Cardinal Syn, whose severed arms spewed blood for a good three minutes.

Speaking of gratuitous blood, as someone who's seen GWAR a few times, I was pretty sure I'd be safe in the photo pit for the first three songs.  They usually don't bring out any "bad/good guys" for a few songs, then the blood starts flying.  This time was different:  for some reason, a Cardinal Syn agent was hauled out onstage during the second song, and immediately disembowelled, causing a torrent of blood that held no regard for anyone its path, including the small army of photographers up front.  I spent half of my allotted first three songs hiding my camera under my shirt, as my back was pounded with a shower of "blood", not only from the Cardinal's agent, but from the Plasma cannon that was wheeled out shortly after and began spraying a 40-foot stream back and forth across the front row for the next ten minutes.  It would seem that GWAR's blood budget has skyrocketed. 

 
The ship would eventually have to return to Earth, as GWAR was informed that Earth is the only place in the universe to get crack.  I can only imagine what the junkies on Granville were thinking as the video screen flashed "GWAR! GWAR! GWAR!", inciting a crowd chant, that turned to video-prompted "CRACK! CRACK! CRACK!".

For all of GWAR's miserable shortcomings, you gotta hand it to them for being merch masterminds, though:  "Win An Oderus Mask" raffle: $1!!!  GWAR programs!  $10!!!  Meet GWAR and get your program signed!!!  $20!!!  (At least a hundred people took them up on this), panties, DVDs, CDs, stickers, pins, onesies, hats, posters, they had it all.

In perhaps the most unintentionally ironic moment of a night dripping with irony, opener Job For a Cowboy's frontman Jonny Davy, struggling to hear what a front-row fan (or heckler) was saying to him, said into the mic: "What?  I can't understand you."  I think that's how a lot of us felt about him.  Although there was a solid contingent of the band's fans in attendance, anyone not familiar with the band only heard a barrage of (pretty badass/technically awesome) double-bass riffage and indecipherable guttural gargling, and some bizarre Melt Banana-esque "yipping" from Jonny Davy.  I'm the first person to slap you across the face for saying metal is just untalented idiots yelling into a mic, but Job For A Cowboy are not a band you can appreciate unless you actually know their songs and what Davy is yargling about.  I didn't get it.

Quote of the night:  a blood-soaked fan walking out the door, wringing out his shirt and saying "I FEEL LIKE A F*CKING TAMPON!"

Quote of the next morning (even after I showered): my wife: "Why is the bed covered in blood?"

Visit the home of GWAR: Your Lords And Masters here: http://www.gwar.net/